Saturday, May 17, 2008

Didn't Want It

Well, I'm nursing some hurt feelings along. I started making a quilt and I started to dream big- the quilt reminded me of a family story, and I started to think that someone in my family would notice the resemblance and want the quilt. I even plotted how to make them see the resemblance, and then praise me for the gift. One problem: they didn't want it.

It was a lovely day of work- we had record high temperatures and so I hid out in the downstairs (sort of a half basement- it stays cool down there but has windows) play room. I have to say, now that all the quilting and spinning stuff is down there rubbing elbows with the legos and videos, it has turned into a family play room. The room actually has turned out as well as I could have hoped, and Mr Woolly is very happy to have the use of the table upstairs back. It may be some time before I can wedge the knitting yarn down there, but I digress. I had a lovely day, yesterday, cutting and sewing and humming and thinking about the person I thought this quilt was for. I hung it up in the bedroom before I went to sleep, and thought over the next steps. I'm a design as you go kind of gal, and really , I need to be grateful for the lovely day of creation.

So today my intended victim ( err, recipient) came over, and I had the top all spread out on the ironing board, draped for maximum, casual but prominent display. Doesn't it remind you of so and so? UHm, no. A glance, but that's all. Oh. A few moments later, I bring it up again, and again, a disinterested glance. My husband has come in and is looking at me intently- he knows what I'm up to, and he shakes his head. He's sorry for me, but he doesn't see why I bother.

I think I might have felt better had the intended recipient said something mean or dismissive- I could have drowned out the hurt with anger. In stead I was left with the sick hurt of embarrassment. It's not fair- I set up the so called gift recipient. She didn't know that her lack of interest was rejection, and I was too chicken to put it out there- look I made this for you and I hope you like it. Nope. Din't have the guts for that.

It took a few hours, and I was back to enjoying the making of the quilt. I don't know what I'll do with it. I have friends and family ( and friends who are like family) who love me and my wacky creations. I can give it to them, I can donate it to a stranger, I can fold it up and put it in the linen closet. I'll take a picture of it tomorrow, if it's not windy. ( It will have to cool down substantially before I can quilt it- the idea of a quilt piled in my lap makes me crave ice cubes. )

Still hurts, though. Wish I had the kind of mom who wanted me to make things for her. I'd make her a lot of them.


StitchinByTheLake said...

Oh dear, I know just how you feel. I've done the very same thing! I'm always so excited about what I'm making and it seems like everyone else ought to be just as excited as me, especially the one I'm making it for (whether or not they know it's for them is irrelevant!) I bet when you're finished they'll notice it. :)

pattymk13 said...

We want to be creative and generous, after all that's half the fun. But the sad fact is that we have to learn to be creative and selfish and create totally for ourselves. If along the way someone else appreciates it, that is just icing on the cake.

And by the way, you are most apprediated. I often tell new friends that I have an old friend who is so creative and so good at knitting, crocheting and working with yarn and fabric that she once told me that she could cover a Volkswagens in crochet without a pattern and I know its true!

Alison said...

Oh, I'm so sorry! I can so relate. Although, sometimes, just sometimes, the person feigns disinterest because they don't want to be greedy and thereby impose their wanting it on you.

I could type out a few horror stories, too, but they revolve around my in-laws, and...never mind.

woolywoman said...

Patty- Hah! I do say that all the time! You're right- being creative for myself is much more fun than worrying about the rest of the world- I just feel like I want to grab their hand and say "jump down the rabbit hole with me! We can make anything we want!" Ciao, Laura