Thursday, March 30, 2006

uncertain in an uncertain blogsphere

I think that the whole medblog world is rattled by Geeknurse being shut down. He was always so careful with his photos, always got permission, damn informative, and really a lovely writer with a tender heart. It's made me wonder what I'm doing with a blog, other than staying in touch with my darling brother (who could leave a FREAKING COMMENT once in a while, as you're the only regular reader I'm aware of.) I scare the knitters with the nurse stuff, I bore the nurses with the knitting stuff, I only post once a week or so, and I'm basically a navel gazer: all questions, no answers.

Like much of my life, I'm neither fish nor fowl. A woman, but not feminine. A writer who has stopped writing, an irritable mother who nontheless thinks that having children is the best thing I've ever done. I'm a nurse whose content to be not a superstar on the unit, happily taking the less technical patients and dispensing baths and bedchanges life it's part of my personal religion.

I knit, but not the freaking hard stuff, I spin, but only sometimes. I've never had a religious experience from a craft activity. I'm only as likely to like a knitter as anyone else. I don't feel instantly understood by anyone, wether or not we like the same activities, and I have missed the boat on the whole craft as spirituality thing. I'm a fish who likes a nice small pond. Not that I'm the biggest fish in it, by any means, but because I know every nook and cranny of my world and there are very few surprises. Even the deaths of my child patients does not surprise me, although it cuts me.

So, what am I doing here?

5 comments:

Katherine said...

I'm a regular reader--I have you on my RSS blog list.

I'm not a nurse, but have worked in hospitals and I'm a knitter, etc. I was certainly an irritable mother and often somewhat inattentive--as in my kids had to say, "Mom, Mom, MOM!!!, I need . . .!!" when I was focusing on other things. Not that I neglected them or anything, but I tend to hyperfocus and lose track of my surroundings and have to be forceably brought back.

As to job choices--take the one that feels best for you--don't go to something that raises your hair, whatever you do.

Janis said...

I read your blog and I think that you are a great mother and you don't give yourself enough credit for you craftiness either.

HeatherLeigh said...

I just found your blog today and have you on my yahoo RSS feeds.

I'm a nursing student who knits, and I love seeing the medical community knitting!

I didn't know that someone's blog was deleted, that's very sad.

I found your post more vulnerable and human than I've ever seen in blogland. I really, really appreciate that. It is so easy to be robotic in cyberspace, but I can really relate to you just by reading your first post.

Once I become a nurse, I will also be content to help whomever needs help, so perhaps you are in blogland to be an inspiration.

And I've only read one post.

AdamantAzoth said...

A small pond is very comforting -- castle, rock, plastic plant; castle, rock, plastic plant; castle, rock, plastic plant. No surprises.

But sometimes even I get tired of that damn plastic plant. Plants should grow. Or die. Or something.

As I enter what is at the very least the last half of my life, I may poke my head out of my pool a little more.

You keep plugging too. You can do it.

And I'm still very fond of the castle and the rock.

Helen said...

um... your silent brother isn't the ONLY regular reader...
But I missed the Geeknurse bit. Alas, now I want to go read, and it sounds like I can't..